Friday, April 26, 2013

Relationship Troubles

So I've kind of figured out that my parents don't like my boyfriend. It hasn't always been this way, but back in December something bad happened. I chose to consume marijuana for the first time ever and it caused a manic episode. Instead of immediately calling my psychologist and my parents, my boyfriend gave me benadryl, hoping I would sleep it off. My parents were extremely upset with him for reacting this way, and since then I've had two very emotionally charged conversations (one with Mom, one with Dad) during which they voiced their concerns. Some stuff has happened that has made him not look so good since then. He actually got fired from both his jobs (he has a new job now), and I think he started using more marijuana with a recently reunited friend. My parents are right in some ways: he's sort of been acting like a teenager more than a 25-year-old. But on the other hand, it's a good time for him to get this stuff out of his system. I'm not living with him, he doesn't have any children, it's his first time to really be fully responsible for himself and not have his parents looking over his shoulder. I see it as a time for growth, and making his own personal choices. It's not like he's a slacker. He actually started exercising religiously and lost 40 pounds (and plans to lose more!). He spends time with friends, so he's not totally anti-social. He's doing well at his new job. All of this is more than I can say for myself. I live at home, work in the family businesses (my parents are both self-employed) and can barely function when I'm by myself. It's a very tense time for us, but we've been together for almost 4 years, and I don't want to give everything up just because we've hit some blips in the road. I mean, if I should be breaking up with him, he has every reason to break up with me. I'm mentally ill with no foreseeable direction, taking a ridiculous cocktail of medicines, with no close friends and nothing to really motivate me. I'm just as much of a mess as he is. Someone once told me that we've experienced too much pain and hit too many roadblocks in the relationship for us to overcome such negativity. But I see it as the opposite. If we've come so far, why stop now?

7 comments:

  1. "I chose to consume marijuana for the first time ever and it caused a manic episode."

    I actually talked to my psychiatrist brother-in-law the other day about marijuana/stimulants in this context.

    Apparently, Adderall can do the same thing as marijuana (meaning trigger psychosis, etc.) in a certain subset of the population.

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  2. Are you on Social Security Disability? Just curious.

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  3. Hey JP! No, I'm not on disability. I've heard they automatically deny your application and you have to hire a lawyer in order to get approved, and it's still not tons of money. Nah, I'd rather get a job. In other news, my BF dumped me last week because he feels like I lack direction and that I need some time away from the relationship. If I have any hope of getting back with him, it's best that I find sources of income other than government aid. And even if I don't get back with him, it's STILL better to find a decent job.

    How's HUS? I try not to come around anymore.

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  4. HUS is entertaining, as usual. Since I'm not a college or young professional woman, I don't really read the articles. I just comment randomly. Why are you avoiding it?

    I'm not sure that you "lack direction" as much as it looks like you need to find the right combo of meds that works to avoid the side-effects. It's my understanding that it takes a long time to get to that point.

    I liked your post on the actual experience of the mania/psychosis.

    One of my wife's friends who is bipolar has turned to distance running to try to keep things under control. I think that she has a much more significant problem with the depression than the mania.

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  5. I was wondering how were you doing. I hope things get better soon. *hugs*

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  6. Hi Ana! Thanks for being in touch! The bad news is that my BF broke up with me about 2 months ago. After everything that happened in the last year, I guess I'm not really surprised. The good news is that it pretty much can only get better from here. I'm doing a year-long volunteer program starting this fall, and I'm looking forward to the new doors it will open.

    Hope things are going well with William! I bet he's getting so big!

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