Well this new blog has turned out to be one big fail. Not for lack of trying though... I've started writing posts at least 10 times before deciding they weren't good enough. Though the quality of my writing has been compromised, I'm still quite the perfectionist; not a great combination.
As for my personal growth, well, can't say there's been much progress. I dropped out of school about two weeks ago, which shouldn't be a surprise; I didn't really feel ready for it, and only went back because I felt pressured by my doctor and my academic advisor, and because I wanted to get out of my parents' house (love my parents, but at the age of 24, living at home isn't exactly exciting). Anyway, now that I'm out of school, my main mission is to find a job, which is a really daunting task. I'll likely end up getting a crappy retail job to pay the bills while I look for something more related to a permanent career, but these days I'm not sure what my career goals are, so that certainly doesn't help.
In the meantime, I've been spending a lot of time sitting on my ass. My days and nights are all mixed up because Popeye works the night shift, and when he's not here I have a really hard time sleeping (chalk it up to terrifying flashbacks from my week of hallucinations). But the nights by myself are relatively cheerful and are mostly spent cleaning, knitting, and watching the food network. I'm currently knitting myself a comfy wool cowl for the winter, and I think my next project will be a baby hat for someone in Popeye's family who is expecting. Popeye actually said he'd wear a sweater if I made him one, but my skills aren't quite there yet. Maybe gloves though!
Speaking of Popeye, he hasn't been having a very easy time either these days. He's working two jobs that are pretty beneath him, and he hates having to interact with nasty customers and idiotic coworkers. He only has one semester left of school and he's a STEM guy, so once he finishes he'll be in a much better place, but getting back is a financial struggle at the moment. It's funny though... in terms of actual relationship dynamics, things have never been better for us. Living together has gone really well so far; we've found a nice balance of spending time together and giving each other space. Granted it's only been a few months, but I have a very positive feeling about it. It's interesting that last year the only thing that wasn't going well was my relationship, and now that's great but everything else has gone to crap. :-/ I've weathered some rough spots before (I actually took a year off between high school and college after a nasty personal crisis) so I have faith that this is not permanent and that things will improve. But if not, I told Popeye this morning that I'll go live with him in a cardboard box if necessary.
I know people say that it's important to gain confidence in yourself and find comfort in being alone, but life really is much better when you have someone special to share it with.
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