I started blogging last winter, when I stumbled upon the Manosphere and felt this unavoidable urge to write; I had so much to say and process, and the more I wrote, the more thoughts came to mind. But just a few months later, in March, I had a life-changing experience in the form of a severe manic episode. I was hospitalized for nine days and drugged to the point of oblivion. When I left the hospital I was basically sleeping 20 hours a day, a side-effect of the medication. But even as I was weaned off some of the more heavy-duty medicines, I couldn't get back to writing. It was like all my ideas and thoughts had been sucked out of me. Since then, I've tried desperately to find a way back to my first blog, but have finally decided that my attempts are and will continue to be futile.
But that does not mean I plan to stop writing; it just means that the nature and theme of my writing will change, so I found it appropriate to start a new blog. While my first blog definitely had a personal bend to it, this one will be more like a diary. I feel sure that I will touch on relationship/gender issues, but I do not plan to make them the primary subject, especially since I am, on the whole, far more scatterbrained than I was before the episode (this does not bode well for my graduate school papers, but you know, one day at a time and all that).
So, what will I write about? you ask. Geez I don't know, stop asking questions. :-P In all honesty, I have a lot more personal growth to do now than I did when I started blogging. First, school is going to be a huge hurdle, and I'd actually decided to not go back before my doctor gave me a really hard time/my financial aid came through at the last minute. It's going to be a big psychological challenge, something I'll write more about later. Second, I just moved in with my boyfriend (hereafter referred to as Popeye), which has been a really smooth transition so far but will bring its own set of challenges I'm sure. And finally, I'm always struggling to find good female friends, so I won't stop writing about that.
Anyway, that's all for now!
Yay, Olive is back!
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry to hear about the problems you have been having. That is some scary shit. And VERY painful stuff. I have one friend with bipolar disorder. I have known several that have experienced periodic depression and anxiety and a couple with eating disorders and I have known to people that struggled with psychosis.
I highly recommend you read Posessing me by SFJane, a youtube meditation teacher. She cured herself of bipolar disorder and psychosis through meditation and qigong. She is fully recovered. I also have talked to online several people who have cured themselves of bipolar disorder with meditation and qigong and yoga. It is unusually effective in treating mental problems. I highly recommend you seek out a well respected qigong teacher. Guidance by a good teacher is important when mental health is involved because some practices can worsen your condition. The right ones though will do wonders. You can construct a program of exercises that consists of a general program combined with specific exercises to do on down days and others for up days. Some can clear out depression and give energy some can calm mania. If you are interested I can explain how this stuff works as best I can through email and give some broad advice about practices.
There are two spiritual breakthrough experience that can look very similar to both bipolar disorder and psychosis but is neither. They are rare, especially fro someone that does not meditate, but they do happen spontaneously and I have talked to numerous people online that have had them, been given psychiatric diagnosis, and later found that this was wrong and that their meditation practice quickly smoothed things out. When you had the manic episode did you experience rushes of energy going up your spine? These could have been very pleasurable but can also have been felt as a very hot burning sensation. If this happened it is not regular bipolar disorder or psychosis but one of the two spiritual experiences. It is unlikely this happened but I`m just checking because it does happen to some.
Wudang
Thanks for stopping by Wudang, and thanks for all the great information! I looked up Jane Alexander, she sounds like she's had a very interesting (and difficult!) life. I wish I was strong enough to not take medicine, and I'm hoping to not take it for the rest of my life. There were a few people in my family who had episodes like mine, just one time, and then they were totally fine after that, so I'm hoping my life follows that pattern.
ReplyDeleteThe good news is that lithium doesn't cause very serious neurological side effects... really the only thing to worry about is dehydration. Some of that other stuff I was on, particulary the antipsychotics, can be so much worse. I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night and my doctor offered to prescribe a low-level dose of antipsychotics and I refused. They make you simultaneously tired and fidgety, and very slow cognitively.
I don't think this was a spiritual experience. I really just stopped eating and sleeping, which made me delusional. It's been a pretty slow recovery, and sort of a challenge psychology. Yoga's not a bad idea (not sure if I can find a qigong instructor in my city) and there's a place near my place. I have to get a job first so I can afford it, but then I'll definitely look into it.